A reader asks: I came to Dubai last month. I am 28-year old, did Masters in Physics and also did energy management from Pakistan. My life is very smooth and I am very much satisfied with my life.
But I have one problem: I feel very afraid, everytime foolish/negative thoughts come to my mind (I can understand that it's a waste of time but I can't remove it).
During prayer or when I am alone or engaged in any isolated activity, my inferiority feeling tortures me. I took all the test, everything is clear, but I don't know why I feel something bad will happen to me suddenly.
While on a plane, I feel like I will be left floating in thin air. If I stand in the front row during prayer, my thoughts torture me a lot and force me to move back. (If I am in the last row, nothing happens).
Kindly throw some light on my situation, I will be very grateful to you.
Dr Sreekumar V. Nair (MBBS, M.D. Psychiatry, NMC Specialist Hospital, Dubai) replies: Good to know that your life is moving smooth and that you are satisfied with it. This shows that you are simple at mind and that your expectations from life are reality based. This itself is going to help you resolve your issues. Not many who come to Dubai have such a nice approach to life.
You have also mentioned about certain problems, which is preventing you from enjoying your life to the fullest. I know you have mentioned only a few of the issues and it is difficult to elaborate everything in a question. So, I will start by describing certain personality characteristics and how to tackle them. I am sure you will find your image in it. So you can devise a strategy that would suite you.
Everyone worries to some degree at some point in their lives. However, the worry experienced by some individuals is clearly out of proportion to the actual likelihood or impact of the feared event.
Themes of worry could be anything. It may include illness, money, job responsibilities, safety of one's loved ones or even a trivial matter. The worry is difficult to control and interferes with the task at hand. For example, one might worry about whether he will reach in time for a meeting, how he is going to start the conversation, what will others think about it, will they think he is not competent, etc. These feelings of worry and dread are accompanied by physical symptoms such as pain from muscle tension, headache, frequent urination, difficulty swallowing, 'lump in the throat' or exaggerated startle response, physical weakness, poor memory, sweaty hands, fear or confusion, inability to relax, upset stomach, poor concentration, to mention a few.
The key feature is the excessive worry and for some this becomes the usual approach taken in all situations. The worry, while ever present, can peak to the point that it prevents functioning.
This trait comes on gradually and often hits people in childhood or adolescence but can begin in adulthood.
Some of them have a long-standing feeling of inadequacy and are extremely sensitive to what others think about them. This leads to the person to be socially inhibited and feel socially inept. Because of these feelings of inadequacy and inhibition, the person will seek to avoid work, school and any activities that involve socializing or interacting with others.
They often vigilantly appraise the movements and expressions of those with whom they come into contact. Their fearful and tense demeanor may elicit ridicule from others, which in turn confirms their self-doubts. They are very anxious about the possibility that they will react to criticism with blushing or crying. They are described by others as being 'shy', 'timid', 'lonely' and 'isolated'.
The low self-esteem and hypersensitivity to rejection are associated with restricted interpersonal contacts and usually do not have a large social support network that can help them weather crises. They desire affection and acceptance and may fantasize about idealized relationships with others.
I hope your problem fits into the above somewhere. As it is obvious these are traits that form a part of one’s personality and hence changing it completely is not easy. But with systematic and consistent effort, the traits that are bothersome can be modified. In fact, it is not necessary to completely change everything, rather the aim should be to modify the disturbing traits to a manageable level.
As I have mentioned in the beginning, you already have certain positive qualities. You are able to appreciate your abilities in your work, you are able to appreciate the overall quality of your life and be content with. This in itself is an excellent thing you are doing. Now you need to extend it to other spheres of your life.
When your negative thoughts come and you feel anxious, you might feel stuck and unsure of how to feel better. You might even do things that fuel your anxiety. You might focus on these thoughts, and get carried away by a slew of ‘what-ifs’. What if I have a heart problem during a flight; what if the priest see me tensed during prayer; what if others feel that I am incompetent or inferior, so on and so forth. Then you start believing that your negative, worst-case scenario thoughts are actual and indisputable facts.
- Thankfully there are many techniques and methods that can be tried to manage these anxieties and thoughts. To begin with you have to learn to relax. There are many ways to do this, like yoga and meditation to deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.
- One of the easiest is the deep breathing or the diaphragmatic breathing. It is as simple as taking a deep breath into your tummy, holding it for a few seconds and breathing out very slowly. Repeat it several times. This activates the body’s relaxation response. It helps the body go from the fight-or-flight response of the sympathetic nervous system to the relaxed response of the parasympathetic nervous system.
- Another exercise is the progressive muscle relaxation. This involves relaxing your body step by step from head to toe. A you-tube search will give demonstration videos of Jacobson’s Progressive Muscle Relaxation (JPMR). Practicing these two regularly will enable you to relax in stressful situations and when your negative thoughts bring about the distress and arousal. It also allows you to focus on what you want.
- Do a factual evaluation of your thoughts. Is this worry realistic? Is this really likely to happen? If the worst possible outcome happens, what would be so bad about that?
- Think about what could be done. Can I handle that worst outcome? What can I do?
- Think about, if something bad happens, what might that mean about you? Is this really true or does it just seem that way? What can you do to prepare for whatever may happen?
- Reality based answers for these questions will show you that your concerns are totally unnecessary or are out of proportion to the matter at hand. Learn to come out of yourself and observe your problem through the eyes of a non-judgmental second person. Practice observing your thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, etc in a non-judgmental way.
It helps you to understand the irrationality of your thoughts. Now start challenging the thoughts and situations, which were causing distress. With each positive step you should appreciate yourself and reinforce your confidence.
Talking with others can do a world of good. Have a healthy social network. Among other things it gives you an opportunity to learn from others. Tailor a strategy that suits you, from the above. Plan your activities and focus only on what you are supposed to do ‘now’. Get busy with enjoying this life.
Disclaimer: This blog is a conversation and is not an alternative for treatment. The recommendations and suggestions offered by our panel of psychiatrists are their own and Gulf News will not take any responsibility for the advice they provide.
