Each classified is a little word picture creating a vignette of life in the UAE at the time, adding finishing touches to the paper of record. In 1991, an Abu Dhabi resident was looking for a magician for a birthday party, while another offered babysitting services for children up to five years of age.
In 1978, Dubai Colour Television Station’s Channel 33 was creating a flutter of excitement. It promised amazing English programmes right at home, if only the antennas were positioned perfectly — as is evident from a series of advertisements promising to take care of them. Jobs advertised in 2013 include an “IT Sales Optimiser” in Dubai and a “Chef Burger” in Abu Dhabi. Words mean different things now.
In 1981, two sportsmen — a class A cricket player from Pakistan and a 1980 hockey Olympian — were looking to join or start teams in the UAE. City of dreams, indeed.
In the late 1970s and early 1980s, UAE residents were partial to audio cassettes of jazz, blues or classics. In 2013, melodies find their way into the classifieds only if an entire “Music, dance and art Institute is for sale.”
In 1979, residents could be persuaded to buy videos of “the best stampede wrestling scene at Sharjah Expo” — it is not clear whether the Expo was home to the stampede or the video. You could have “orchids as fresh as Bangkok’s Dawn, flown in especially from Bangkok to Dubai,” or look for someone to sell you a Vespa scooter.
For Dh750, you could “look and feel like Miss World in a KO blue evening dress 9 (size 12).” The dress, according to the advertiser in 1979, was never worn and modelled on the one worn by Miss World 1976, the delectable Cindy Breakspeare (see right) from Jamaica.
Pen friends were in popular demand. In January 1981, back in Visakhapatnam, India, Zarina promised that she could get you “personalised introductions for pen friends: either male or female worldwide, including all over India, Gulf.” Meanwhile, Mohammed Ahmed Mohiuddin shared with prospective pen friends that his hobbies were “collection of stamps, international currencies and penpals.” By 1999, the friendship had acquired adult overtones. Penpals worldwide were still being advertised, but this time for “lasting friendships, maybe more” with a free brochure from Hermes in Germany.
Today, the desire to keep in touch is a little more literal and massage parlours dominate the classifieds section, offering “relaxing full body massage with good services from head to toe.”
And if you thought vampires are some sort of teenage discovery via Twilight movies circa 2008, we can reveal that as far back as 1981, Lust for a Vampire was listed for screening at Al Nasr.
In 1981, we discover that bachelors chose to live with their own kind, as they do now, advertising specifically for decent Kerala Muslim boys or Pakistani executives to share rooms or flats with. The housing situation was as interesting then as it is now, with strange permutations — “Resident in > Deira wishes to go to Karama in exchange of one bedroom hall flat near Deira Creek,” being one example.
But marriages, like pen friends, could be interracial — “matrimonial correspondence invited from young girls, preferably European, for an Arab young man. Write with photograph and contact telephone number,” reads one ad.
In 2013 a UAE businessman has written a more elaborate version of the same, saying, “I’m businessman (INVESTOR) here in UAE. I am looking for a European (British, American, Canadian, Italian, Spanish, German, or any European Nationality (Citizenship), well settled and educated life partner. I am very straight, humble, sincere and serious to get marry with who will like to establish a long lasting relationship with me. I hope to meet a noble, humble, honour, sincere, loving and caring who will make my life more interesting and add more sense to it...”
The secret life of ads
Imported cow dung, a parcel from the UK and recorded messages after sunset give us hope that classifieds may have been trading grounds for tantalising secrets just like in spy novels. These specifically targeted advertisements, where only the issuer and his intended reader knows what is going on, can baffle those not in on the conversation.
“Fresh arrival of cow dung at Sharjah Port…‘Gold Cloud’ at Berth no.11,” reads one, followed by another one the next month about large quantities of cow dung from Pakistan. “Interested parties,” we are sure, had an idea of what this was about. Speculation about flower beds or flourishing nurseries is not conclusive. Why only cow dung; why not goat droppings, for instance?
In another puzzle, in December 1981, L.R. Shonouda or Box 4005 Abu Dhabi is advised to “please collect packet containing valuable items (shipped from London).” Pity, we will never know what the packet contained.
However, the most mystifying is “Dh3 every Sunday one hour before sunset. Phone for recorded directions. On-on.” It is difficult to say whether Dh3 in this 2001 ad stands for three dirhams. Dungeon Hunter 3, which was probably not released by then, is the other candidate, along with a type of aircraft also called Dh3.
Property, my property
In July 1981, London beckoned UAE residents with an ad for a three-bedroom, centrally heated house complete with four reception rooms and fruit trees, “freehold, immediate vacant possession, furnished, redecorated, spacious family house in Mill Hill, NW London, 25 minutes from Oxford Street for quick sale for £68,000 or dirham equivalent” (about Dh390,481 at today’s rates).
Houses at Mill Hill are listed for £520,000 (about Dh3.06 million) to £3,495,000 these days.
In January 2001, when computers had more or less replaced typewriters in classifieds, you could have a 2BR villa fitted with window ACs and a small garden, near Iranian hospital for Dh50,000 a year.
Despite the announcements for freehold law in May 2002, July and August that year were still rental heavy —except for one large boxed ad, which said, “Why rent when you can buy?”
A year later, by May 1, 2003, the Properties section was topped by freehold ads. “Expats can purchase apartments, villa and land for life-long ownership with residence visa.”
Indians, who later turned out to be the biggest shoppers of property in the UAE, were already being wooed as strong contenders. “Vastu Shastra, Feng Shui advice for design and layout,” the ad (see below) says, addressing the demand for structures considered more auspicious.
Having weathered the property market crash, distress sales and resurgence, the last decade in property classifieds in the UAE could indeed make up an extremely enlightening time capsule in its own right, decades from now.
