I guess you never think of yourself as old. Or as someone other people might perceive as old. I always think I’m pretty much the same as when I was 17 — until I find myself in a situation in which I’m overhearing the conversation of a bunch of 17-year-olds, that is — then I feel distinctly mature and crotchety.
I’m 32 which, I know, is young(ish). But I work with a bunch of 23- and 24-year-olds at a company that’s so cool, people stand outside my office and pose next to its famous logo. It’s a really young staff and I’m one of the oldest people there. In a meeting yesterday my (younger) boss suggested me when someone mentioned they needed an old model for a shoot. Ugh. Not good for the ego.
When most of my colleagues want to go out and spend all night partying, I’m aching to get to the gym then get home and watch Netflix. Ok, so I do have nights out, too, but they are much tamer and fewer and far between than they were 10 years ago. It’s hard not to feel a tiny bit like you’re a mum desperately trying to be cool. I have newfound sympathy for the middle-aged woman who did the journalism degree with me; we liked her, but we’d never dream of inviting her out for drinks. I mean, what would we have talked about with her?
I get on with all my colleagues but, just like the other older members of staff, I don’t get invited out for weekend hangouts and I’m not privy to their Monday morning gossip. I guess I’ve reached that unfortunate stage in life where I’m a bit too old to be hanging around with people who want to club every night but also not really in the same phase of life as those people my age who are married with kids. It’s happening. Two of my best friends are getting married this year and I’m getting scared that I don’t really know where I slot in socially in my world anymore.
As someone who doesn’t ever want kids, but also doesn’t really have the energy or inclination to be a party animal anymore, I don’t always know exactly where I fit in. Of course, with some people — especially people I’ve known a long time — I don’t think it particularly matters whether you’re married or single or a party animal or a homebody; you have history and a love of each other to bond over.
But, making new friends seems to be a bit harder. They say “your vibe attracts your tribe”, but I’m finding it tricky to find anyone jamming to the same vibe as me. It’s like being stuck in some kind of immaturity limbo. I’m kind of doing exactly the same things I did 10 years ago — living with a flat mate, not saving money, trying to avoid responsibility etc — but with less gusto when it comes to partying and more focus on career.
It’s like a social no-man’s land. Settled types want to hang out — but only if they can plan a babysitter or do it at their homes — and everyone else seems to be much younger than me and, I suspect, thinks I’m not very much fun to hang out with. I can find plenty of people who are fun to spend time with, but the group of people I have similar lifestyles to is rapidly decreasing. I think my midlife crisis has kicked in a few years early.
