If you were told that feeding your child beetroot in the mornings was guaranteed to boost their self-esteem, increase their confidence, make them more successful and enable them to have better relationships, would you be stopping at Spinneys on the way home to stock up? Of course you would. As parents, we are all interested to hear the latest on how to give our children the best start in life and the latest is this: child empowerment coaching.
Before you dismiss it as a touchy-feely ‘go team' type of pat on the back, read on for how it all started. After seven years as a primary school teacher, British expat Adam Zargar signed up for a life coaching workshop. He says, "I started teaching at summer camps and loved it, so I moved into teaching. But when you have 20 plus kids in a class, it's difficult to have an effect on all of them. Then there's other stuff that takes up your time, admin and planning... You can try your best but someone will always miss out."
Although Zargar had no experience in life coaching, Michael Todd, an executive coach at 2b Limitless (www.2blimitless.com), recognised a talent in Zargar and suggested he sign up for a workshop. "I absolutely loved the workshop," says Zargar. "When I finished it, I made a plan to leave teaching and go into coaching full-time. It was a bit of a risk - leaving paid-for accommodation and a monthly salary - but I was determined."
Zargar combined his teaching experience with his coaching skills to create tailor-made coaching sessions for groups of children. He says, "It allowed me to carry on working with children, but working with them in small groups, or one-on-one, which can be much more effective. I looked at the life skills that we need as adults and thought about how to teach these to children. If you can make a child more confident at the age of six, then it will be easier for him to become a confident and independent adult."
Boosting confidence
Negativity and a lack of self-esteem can have a disastrous impact on a child's emotional and mental health - and it can sneak up out of nowhere. Mother-of-two Simone* first came across child empowerment sessions when her otherwise happy and sociable nine-year-old son started referring to himself as "useless". She says, "We always thought he was a bit hapless and that it was just part of his personality. But then someone said we should have him tested for ADD, which we did."
Luke* was diagnosed with mild ADD and prescribed medication to help him focus and concentrate. However, the medication came too late to salvage his confidence, which had already taken a severe blow. Simone says, "We knew Adam from when he was Luke's teacher, so I approached him about boosting Luke's confidence. They started doing empowerment coaching and it worked wonders. Luke is a fab athlete, very popular and sociable... just making him realise what he is good at - boosting his wins and successes - and having that one-on-one praise and attention from Adam had a huge impact."
Zargar saw Luke once a week for nine or ten months and even though Luke detested seeing other therapists, he looked forward to these sessions.
Simone says, "Adam is very creative - he would always make things fun for Luke. He was like that as a teacher and he is like that as a coach. Luke loves football, so one of his homework assignments from Adam was to practice doing keepie-uppies with his football in the garden for three minutes without dropping the ball. When Adam came for the next session, the first thing he did was ask to see the keepie-uppies and it was another win for Luke - another boost."
Then Simone enrolled her younger son, who wasn't showing any self-esteem issues, in Zargar's child empowerment group sessions, too. She says, "I thought, ‘Why not? It's a worthwhile investment.' Since Luke went for his sessions with Adam, I have done some life coaching myself. I couldn't remember the last time I spent time on myself and I felt rejuvenated and energised. I thought, ‘I wish I'd done that years ago'. I'm 44 - imagine the self-awareness and the self-belief I'd have if I'd started at ten and how that would have affected my life."
Dispelling the myth
While child empowerment sessions are an undoubtedly powerful tool for helping children overcome issues like bullying and lack of self-esteem, breaking away from the image of it being a form of therapy enables children without issues to benefit from it, too.
In fact, Zargar's child empowerment sessions began life as confidence-boosting group workshops for children, which transpired to having great success as one-on-one therapy sessions. Zargar says, "I think parents have the misconception that it's purely for kids who have psychological problems to overcome. But although it can help with that, I started with the aim of giving children a head start in their relationships and in their future careers."
Luke's mother Simone agrees. She says, "A lot of people think life coaching is wishy-washy and they don't understand it, which causes them to be judgemental. When it comes to coaching for kids, this judgement is even more so - people say, ‘He doesn't need coaching, just send him out in the garden!' But life coaching offers a vast source of life skills and has a positive effect on how people think about themselves. It can really help children."
One parent whose once-cynical view of child empowerment coaching was changed is Susan*, who took her 16-year-old daughter to see Zargar in a last-ditch attempt to help her overcome her shyness. Susan says, "We tried her with a psychologist, a psychiatrist and counselling... my husband and I were really at odds as to what to do. One day, I came across a small paragraph in a magazine about Adam. I'd heard of life coaches but never an empowerment coach, especially not for teens. I was clutching at straws at this stage and thought ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained'… so I rang him."
Susan's daughter saw Adam once a week for ten weeks and, where nothing else had worked, there was success. "She's definitely changed," says Susan. "It's the small things... body language, a smile at another person, how to look people in the eye. Adam made her realise that she has lots to offer - the change has been quite remarkable. I didn't think it would work - but I was wrong."
Zargar says of Susan's daughter, "She texted me recently and said she was going to her first party. She's a great girl and I'm happy for her success. Every child I see comes with something new. I'm learning from them every day and I know it will have a huge impact on their future.
"If you're teaching kids in a simple way at an early age, it's like planting a seed... when they get older, they will come across a situation and something will trigger in them, bring them back to this lesson and this experience, and help them deal with the situation successfully. Preparing them with these skills and this knowledge now is an investment in their future."
* Names have been changed.
The low self-esteem snowball effect
Low self-esteem can lead to many other issues in childhood and beyond.
Materialism: Research from the US found a link between low self-esteem in early adolescence and materialism later in the adolescent phase.
Lower grades: According to a study from Goldsmiths, University of London, confidence is just as important as IQ when it comes to academic success.
Vulnerability to peer pressure: A study from the University of Jena in Germany found that teaching children life skills such as confidence, could help them resist the pressure to smoke and drink alcohol.
Higher risk of bullying: The Sutter Centre for Psychiatry says, "Those at risk for being bullied are typically shy children with few or no friends. Ongoing harassment decreases self-esteem and magnifies existing challenges..."
Fewer friends: Having low self-esteem can put children at risk of exclusion, victimisation and loneliness, say experts at Arizona State University.
The next term of Zargar's child empowerment group sessions starts January 8. The term includes 11 sessions for Dh1,500. For one-on-one coaching, book an intake session (Dh600). Visit www.2blimitless.com or on Facebook.
