Do you believe that one of the truisms of life is that opposites attract? Well, I am not sure of that but yes, it’s well nigh impossible to find a husband and wife who have the same tastes and inclinations.

If the wife is a ‘Debbie Downer’, the husband is ‘Mr Cheerful’. If the husband likes barbecue, the wife hates smoked flavour. If the wife likes socialising, the husband finds that exhausting. If an idea of the perfect weekend for the wife is window-shopping, the husband prefers to be behind the wheels exploring new places.

But strangely, against all odds, these marriages seem to work. In my case, I am a disorganised person whereas my husband is quite meticulous. Everything he owns is kept in place immaculately and in mint condition whereas I couldn’t eliminate the dreaded scavenger hunt for important items like a wine opener when guests are around or a comb when he needs it and trails behind me impatiently.

I am aesthetically inclined while my husband is pretty practical. The idea of incorporating warm elements into my existing home decor with candles and soft yellow lights is alluring to me but my husband feels it generates heat and he dislikes the dark hue. So he prefers to swap them with white lights to make our home brighter.

Also I am a queen of the rat-pack whereas he discards useless things without reconsideration. I keep my old clothes thinking that one day I will lose weight and fit into them or the fashion cycle will rotate letting me make a fresh statement. I even keep my broken brooches and trinkets to use in decoration or packing.

Actually, whenever I think of discarding things the creative side of my brain gets the better of me. But I feel good when I hear about other extreme magpies who cut off the buttons before discarding the shirts.

Magpie instinct

The problem is I cannot control my magpie instinct whereas he cannot ignore the clarion call of Sale to consumers. As a result the ratio of my almirah to his is 4:1. Still I don’t get things such as my keys easily as all the useless things have eaten up the useful space in my almirahs.

I love karaoke; it’s therapeutic for me whereas my husband calls it a noisemaker. He dislikes it to such an extent that once when he was forcibly made to listen to my song, just after one stanza I was stopped by the sound of my husband’s snoring. I couldn’t figure out whether I sing so awfully or he doesn’t have a ear for music. But I promised myself never to exhibit any of my talents to him.

He likes chess but I like Scrabble because he is a predator on the chessboard while Scrabble is my forte. It’s the only game I can beat him at. I am not so good at strategy-based games and, moreover, when I start losing my pieces, I start taking it as an affront which makes me lose my confidence. And exactly before he declares checkmate, I find a valid reason to dismiss the game such as, our daughter needs food.

I favour strict parenting while he doesn’t. Actually in most personality traits we represent opposite ends of the spectrum. In the early years of our marriage, we tried to dissolve these incorrigible differences by homogenising our personalities.

But we eventually discovered that trying to change your spouse or self doesn’t work and in fact produces further conflicts.

After going through the ordeals and traumas, the only thing which helped us was learning to see our differences as tools for becoming more loving and fulfilled rather than as obstacles to be overcome, denied and eliminated.

So now you know why after being chalk and cheese, we still complement each other as a couple.

Ritu Dokania is an author based in Dubai.