By Tommy Weir, Special to Gulf News

Recently, I was talking to a couple of leaders when the conversation drifted to the privileges of nationality, or in their case, an unwanted special treatment because of where they came from. As we talked, I made a flippant comment: “I sometimes feel like a red carpet is put in front of me and then knives are thrown at the back of my head.”

I’m not sure I completely believed that, but it blurted out of my mouth. In my mind, the carpet referred to the treatment that’s rolled out for people who are perceived as important, not because of who they are, but because of a status assigned to them based on nationality, achievement, position, or any of the other common identifiers. The knives, meanwhile, represented the insincerity and jealousy that can be rolled out with it.

“Do the knives bother you?” one of the leaders asked me. Before I could explain that I wasn’t actually sure if knives were thrown at me or not, he interrupted with his own opinion: “I don’t think they really bother you.”

He was correct, they don’t. So, I don’t waste time thinking about them. What does bother me, however, is watching people throw the knives, whether they’re aimed at a city, company, leader or person.

Later, as I reflected on the conversation, two questions emerged in my mind. Why should you ever worry about knives, especially if they are behind you? Why would you throw them in the first place? If you’re overly concerned about what’s being said about you, you may find those to be naive questions. But really, what’s the point of being bothered by others’ words?

As the centuries-old children’s rhyme reminds us, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. That is, unless you allow them to. As a boy, I was confused by that rhyme; being called names in the playground or taunted in the neighbourhood stung, and I would often find myself thinking that I’d rather be hit by a stick or stone.

But something happened over the years. Somewhere along the line, I stopped worrying about people throwing knives at the back of my head — and you should stop too. Knife throwing from behind is a cowardly act that shouldn’t really matter, so don’t give it undue attention.

Hurt people, hurt people, meaning that when someone is in pain, he’ll often try to inflict pain on others to remedy his own bad feelings. It’s similar to those who try to grow tall by knocking others down. In the end, words spoken behind your back are usually about the person throwing the knives.

So, if someone needs to tear you down to feel better about themselves, be the bigger person and allow them to have the misplaced satisfaction that comes from being a cowardly bully. Don’t succumb to what is behind you. Just keep walking forward.

Just as some people build themselves up by tearing others down, there are people who build themselves up by borrowing your perceived importance and rolling out the carpet. Neither the red carpet nor the knives should be given undue attention because ultimately, they are both temporary reflections of others.

The bigger question is, why would you ever throw knives at anyone?

You gain absolutely nothing by tearing someone down, yet we live in a society of sideline critics. I’m talking about the fans who watch the match from the stadium, or worse, in front of a screen, and are full of criticism of the players on the pitch.

I struggle to understand the satisfaction in criticising behind someone’s back. Frankly, I’m growing frustrated with professional critics and the practice of holding griping sessions intended for no other purpose than finding fault in others.

Why would you waste your time tearing down another’s success? It’s tremendously naive on my part, but I hold out hope that one day we’ll put our knives back in their sheaths and leave them there.

Tommy Weir is a CEO coach and author of “Leadership Dubai Style”. Contact him at tsw@tommyweir.com.