A healthy relationship is one where two independent people make a deal that they will make the other person the best version of themselves.
Does your partner inspire you or drag you down?
Does your partner decide what is appropriate and what is not? Does your partner set your life goals, education and career plans? Does he or she interfere with your tastes, choices and beliefs, solve your problems and fight your battles? Are you rewarded for your obedience with love and punished when you deviate from the line?
If your answer is yes, then you are playing the victim’s role in your relationship. The good news is that now you know it, and the bad news is that your partner wants you to remain a victim or else he or she will feel unneeded and unimportant. The worst news is that you may have adjusted to the role because you feel backed, protected and secure. Maybe when you were growing, you were not provided with the opportunities to develop the self-confidence needed to solve your problems. Maybe you were over-protected or over-neglected during your childhood so you need your partner to be your rescuer, guardian and parent. You are both happy till one of you decides to move out of the role. The rescuer may get tired of being over-responsible or may become over-dominant and swallow his victim to the point that he or she suffocates and rebels.
The rescuer will try to suppress the rebellion and draw the victim back. This relation pattern is toxic and literally destructive. Love is meant to bring the best version of you when it is healthy. Relationships are healthy when you start being an independent adult knowing how to fix things, find ways, overcome challenges even when help is not provided because you can. A healthy relationship does not drag you down. It inspires you to be better.
-The reader is a business development manager, coach, and instructor based in Dubai
