Pressure
Marriage won’t necessarily make you happy, happiness comes from within
Marriage is a very big decision that any one will ever make in his or her life and it should be a decision they take themselves, because marriage can build you up or totally destroy you.
For some people marriage is a life-long commitment, while some people usually think more about the wedding. Many people don’t appreciate the difference between a wedding and marriage — wedding is just that one day, after that is when the real issues of life come.
People are often pressurised by either their family members or by others or themselves to have a wedding.
For example, right now, I don’t have any pressure to get married but every time I meet my aunts online they speak about it.
As for Sologamy, I personally feel this is nonsensical — nobody should marry their own self. When you are single you need to put things in order and find the discipline to live a happy life. If you feel like you will be happy living as a single person, stay single.
Even when it comes to marriage, some people want to satisfy their friends, be popular and have a big party. They go into debts to have a grand wedding, but after the wedding comes the marriage and now they are living in debt. Now you can’t provide for your family, which is a real pressure compared to the pressure you put on yourself to get married!
And honestly, it is not difficult to find people who are single and happy, it is just a myth that you’ll be happy after you get married. I choose to be happy, it comes from within. So, nobody on Earth is responsible for your happiness, you are the one.
From Mr Manfred Anwanda
Electrician living in Ras Al Khaimah
Absurd
You just need a celebrity endorsement to make it the new normal
Even though I find the concept of Sologamy absurd, you just need one celebrity to do it before it becomes the new normal.
The pressure to get married does affect you. Even though I am not in that age, but if you are in your mid-twenties and most of your friends are getting married and you aren’t — you will definitely feel the pressure. It’s not like someone’s forcing you, I think it’s self created pressure: “Everyone is doing it and I am not able to find someone.”
Forget the ‘aunties’ who ask you when you are getting married, I feel that social media platforms distort the image of marriage and life partner a lot as well. Their is this image of perfection that is being shoved down people’s throat. Films, too, play a big role, especially romantic comedies. They drill the idea in your mind that there is a certain age and a certain way of getting married. If someone puts off marriage till their thirties, it becomes such a big deal. “Oh my God, why are you getting married when you’re 32? Why not earlier?”
And the entire build up surrounding marriage is ridiculous. A wedding won’t solve all your life’s problems. Getting married doesn’t mean you won’t have problems, it just means that you have someone to share those problems with.
Also, if you get married because you are under pressure, or you don’t want to disappoint your parents, you are just going to blame them when you aren’t happy. At the end of the day, you made the decision, even if you felt you were forced into it. That can be a lot more disastrous.
From Mr Talha Mahmoud
Accounting student living in Dubai
If this is what makes you happy, so be it
I guess it’s good — the world is so materialistic right now that very few people are actually happy. I don’t see many happy couples around. So, if they are happy marrying themselves, that is all that matters.
Think about it — happiness is not something that is consistent in life. People who get married in their teens might be very happy but as time goes by, they are unhappy whether it is because of issues with their in-laws or financial problems. You are never going to stay happy consistently. So, if this person finds happiness by getting married to herself, why not?
I have friends who are single and they tell me they are simply not interested in getting married. They are happily single and now they can say what they feel.
Earlier that wasn’t the case — they would either hide their feelings or continue in an unhappy marriage because of society or what their parents might go through. Today, the situation is quite different. Everyone is looking for happiness and if these women feel happy buying a wedding ring for themselves, so be it. Don’t we all feel happy buying jewellery for ourselves?
From Ms Priti MacKinnon
Administration professional working in Abu Dhabi
Bad business
Marrying yourself is a fad and won’t offer a lasting solution
I think the pressure to get married works both ways - initially it is the society that puts it on you but after a certain age, I think a person needs companionship. Every age has a set pattern and when you reach a certain place in life, you do look for a partner to share life with, unless you have really made up your mind and feel you will be happy by yourself.
As for Sologamy, nowadays everybody has this materialistic approach towards weddings and their partners. They feel like if the person fulfils certain requirements, whether in terms of looks or brains, they will make them happy. But you can never be certain, right? You should just go with the flow and look for what makes you happy and not look at the whole process from the society’s perspective.
And when it comes to websites like imarriedme.com, purely from a business perspective, I feel like the concept can be quite short-lived. Yes, people want to stand out and be noticed in this age of social media and when they are getting married they want to do something different, so there is a market for such websites.
But these people are really vulnerable, too. They just want to be happy for that moment and if they can’t get their happiness through a conventional marriage, they feel like they will get it through marrying themselves. But, I honestly think it is a very short-term concept and a business based on a fad. It would probably make you happy for a day or two.
Also, if you did it so that people would stop asking you “when are you going to get married” trust me they will return in a year or two saying, “I thought it was just a stunt! When are you really going to get married?”
From Ms Mahnaaz Shaikh
Owner of marketing consultancy living in Dubai
— Compiled by Huda Tabrez/Community Web Editor
Gulf News asked: Single adults often claim they are under pressure to get married. Where does this pressure come from?
Society
It’s self-induced
