Dubai: One in five women could potentially experience a miscarriage during their pregnancy, as stated in a paper published by the US National Library of Medicine. Around 80 per cent of these occur in the first 12 weeks. To help women get through this difficult phase, a Dubai-resident founded a community called ‘Little Angels - Love Through Loss’. Their aim is to offer support and allow people to share their stories.
Alexandra Sullivan, the founder of the group, gave birth to stillborn twins in 2011. After 26 weeks of her pregnancy, she lost her children and that left her feeling “really alone”.
She said: “I felt like it was only happening to me, but then I found a support group in Sweden that saved my life. It meant a lot to me. If my story can help others, I will tell it every day.”
That’s how the group was born as she moved to the UAE a few months after her experience and realised there weren’t many support groups available here. After she shared her story, women who had had similar experiences got in touch and the group grew.
In Sullivan’s opinion, a support group is necessary at such a time, especially for expatriates living in the UAE, as their families may not be nearby. She wanted to create a safe space for others.
She said: “Even though I had a good network, I never heard stories of other people experiencing the same thing. When you come home without your baby, you should have someone to turn to.”
The group conducts monthly support meetings. People can join the meeting, share their stories or just listen. Sullivan states that her current goal is to become a grief counsellor and she is working towards it by studying psychology with counselling skills at a Dubai-based university. Additionally, her long-term goal is to educate midwives and staff around the hospitals in Dubai on how to best support families when they lose a child.
She said: “Some people don’t want to speak in public. So, our group meetings do not put pressure on anyone to talk. You can just sit there and cry for two hours. People leave knowing that they have someone to talk to. And I believe that hearing another mum or dad talking about their children makes things a little bit easier.”
Professors at the University of Leipzig, Germany, conducted detailed research on whether group therapy is beneficial for women after infant loss. They recognised this as a traumatic event in a woman’s life, leading to a large psychological impact, but therapy showed positive effects, with the intervention group showing significantly reduced symptoms of grief and depression.
Lucinda Simpson, a private chef based in Abu Dhabi, experienced these positive effects firsthand last year. On November 6, she gave birth to a boy, after only 25 weeks of pregnancy, but things quickly turned for the worse.
She said: “Our little one lived for two weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). In that time, we got to know him. He was funny, brave and incredibly strong. However, in the end he got an infection and a brain bleed, which was too much for one so small to fight.”
He died on November 19, almost a year after Simpson lost her father. Losing two people who were so close to her within a year was not easy.
She said: “I tried to keep myself busy. I felt completely empty, numb, incredibly sad, but also grateful that we met him and got to tell him that we loved him, which some parents never get the chance to do.”
Seeing people going about their daily lives was the hardest. But, having a support system helped Simpson a lot. During the group sessions held by Little Angels, she shared her story through tears and it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
She said: “The other parents I met understood me. They nodded when I explained my feelings, they cried when I cried, but they made me feel strong!”
Her husband, Charlie, a business development manager, believes that family plays a key role in such situations. Additionally, when one spouse feels down, the other is there to lift him or her up. At the time, he had just begun a new job, which he used to keep himself occupied.
He said: “I still find it tough to talk to anyone about it apart from my wife. I have found that grief comes in waves, and it is only now becoming easier to handle these waves, and our anxiety levels.”
He was the only man at the earlier sessions, which made things harder. But, after seeing him, many women would say they would bring their spouses. “It’s important to do these things together and be there to support or have a shoulder to cry on,” he added.
Sara Ghattas, a part-time teacher and freelance event stylist based in Dubai, “felt hollow” after losing her daughter in 2001. She had reached full-term pregnancy and her due date had arrived. But, when she went in for a regular check, she was told there was “no pulse”.
She said: “Those two words. Nothing else. It didn’t make sense at first. But, then it sank in. The doctor induced labour and she was born through normal delivery. She was perfect, so red. Why did it happen? No one could find a reason. It was God’s will.”
At the young age of 22, she returned home without her daughter. She was prepared to bring her home, had bought dresses and shoes, but everything was left untouched.
She said: “It was very difficult at the time. I couldn’t speak initially. What are you going to say? I had this strange feeling that I had never felt before and didn’t feel ever again. It was as if I was an outer shell that is hollow from the inside. But, I did want someone there. Someone who would understand.”
Sharing her story with other members of the Little Angels group helped her, too. People were sharing similar stories, but she connected the most with the founder’s. However, even today, as a mother, she wants to share her story so she can tell people that she has three daughters.
She said: “I want to share her story to confirm her existence. I gave birth to a third child. I heard the same thing from others, too.”
