Dubai
For many people, seeing a seven-year-old hopping onto a bus or train and walking through the crowds on his or her way to school might be odd. But, in Japan, this is the norm.
A mini-documentary highlights how children in Japan manage to get to school on their own. But, is this the case in the UAE, too?
Aisha Al Janahi, an Emirati based in Dubai, is a mother of a seven-year-old boy and for her to allow her son to go to school on his own is entirely unacceptable.
She said: “We hear so many tragic stories of children being abused or bullied. I take my son to school and bring him back. But, there are other ways of enabling your child’s independence.”
She encourages him to get ready on his own and pack his own bag. But, she says that traditionally, Emirati parents are very protective. Children are told not to speak to strangers, because “you don’t know those people and their intentions”.
She said: “My dad was also very protective and didn’t want us to go with anyone else. We had to take permission for everything. I cannot generalise, as some parents are very careless. But, in my experience, majority of Emiratis will not ask others to do something for them and it is not common for children to go anywhere on their own.”
Apart from culture, it seems like location is also an important factor.
Daoud J. Khalaf, a Jordanian national based in Dubai, is a father of three daughters. Growing up in Jordan, he noticed that schools were close by and most children would walk. But, in his opinion, the same isn’t applicable in Dubai.
He said: “Schools congregate in certain areas outside the city. If the Dubai Metro or public buses connected to those areas, I wouldn’t mind. But, for children to ride a bicycle and cross streets is unacceptable.”
His daughters would take the school bus when they were younger, but high fees discouraged him and he instead started dropping them to school.
He believes that it is good to teach children to be independent, for self-improvement. However, if it is happening because the parents are too busy and ignoring their child, it needs to end.
He said: “This makes the child independent in a negative manner. If a child is walking to school, it saves time for the parents, who have to rush to work. But, the path needs to be safe.”
He hopes he can help his children feel responsible by letting them be independent in other ways and learning. In this manner, living in Dubai is an advantage, he believes. A safe city, Dubai residents, in his opinion, are friendly and outgoing, and he would be comfortable if his daughters asked a stranger for help. However, if the same happened elsewhere, he wouldn’t approve.
He said: “You hear of so many extreme cases from around the world. I wouldn’t want to expose my children to that. In Dubai, even if they were walking alone, I know they would make it back. What makes parents afraid is security.”
A lot of people would say, “times have changed”. But, does that mean that children shouldn’t be allowed their independence?
Sonal Amit Jain, an Indian homemaker based in Dubai, disagrees with the idea of over protection and allows her 11-year-old daughter to walk to school. Every morning, the girl lifts her school bag and walks for 15 minutes before arriving at her destination.
Jain said: “We live in the Al Nahda 1 area and there are proper traffic signals installed here, so she can easily walk. And it’s a small distance.”
So, a good road network isn’t just beneficial for motorists, but also for the pedestrians. Jain believes that children have the capability to learn on their own, if they are motivated. She has ensured that her daughters study on their own, wash their own clothes and are even be able to cook.
She said: “When they grow up and go to university, they will have to manage on their own. The earlier they get into the habit, the better.”
But, stories of pedestrians being involved in accidents are a concern for Jain.
She said: “As a parent, it is natural to be a little concerned sometimes. But, a child’s awareness increases once they are educated. Logic plays a big role.”
Tarana Karamath, an Indian homemaker based in Dubai, has a similar story to narrate. As a child, she ironed her own clothes, packed lunch and walked or took a bus to school. And, when it comes to her children, she prefers to let them be independent, too.
Her 14-year-old son, who has special needs, has been cycling to school for five years now. Additionally, if he has to meet his friends, he takes the Metro.
She said: “There is a sense of security that allows me to give him independence. But, I know a lot of parents who don’t and prefer to pick and drop their children or be there with the child all the time. It is more about the mindset. The way you are raised makes a difference.”
After the Metro was inaugrated, a lot of people she knows stopped the bus service for their children. But, many still rely on buses as the schools are far off, with no access to public transport.
She said: “If you don’t give children the responsibility, they won’t be able to take it. My child gets up on his own and there are days when he makes his own breakfast. If no one is around, he should be able to do it on his own.”
Asha Susan Mani, a behaviour analyst based in Sharjah, agrees that children, when allowed to be independent, can manage later on in life.
She said: “It is a positive attitude to make them independent at an early age. Responsibility is good for them. When they see that they have to do things on their own, they can do further activities and even try to experiement with other things in life.”
Children with special needs or autism would try to do many things on their own, she states. But, she emphasises that the security of the place they live in is the most important.
She said: “Parents should be sure that nothing will happen. Safety is a priority. When we ask parents to allow their children some space, we think about the security first.”
According to João Lourenco, a clinical psychologist based in Dubai, children can begin to develop their independence from three to six years of age and should be encouraged to develop their own identity separate from their parents.
He said: “Making them do things by themselves means you are giving them skills as children to fend for themselves as adults. In other words, it’s giving children means to pursue their goals as they believe they are competent and capable of taking care of themselves.”
But, while independence improves a child’s self-esteem, Lourenco emphasises on targeting simple rules or reminders about safety and recommends a balance between independence and safety.
He said: “It is important to allow children to experience frustration, disappointment and rejection. These experiences will help them learn to manage their own emotions. In therapy, we teach parents to let their children solve their own problems by finding solutions themselves. This will help them become more independent and self-confident.”
One thing that almost everyone that we spoke to agreed on is that as parents, you have to let go gradually and stop doing everything for your children at some point.
Lourenco advised: “You can get children to contribute to chores and give them specific responsibilities. This helps them develop thinking skills and being able to make decisions by themselves.”
Deepa Sankar, a clinical psychologist based in Dubai, compared the situation in Japan to the rest of the world. While quoting an international study, she stated that the support that a child can find within the community in Japan cannot be found elsewhere.
She said: “If there is a problem, children will go to a nearby shop and everyone is equipped to help. The perception about community differs. There are volunteers helping them cross the road. This is not available in many other places, even in the UAE.”
If children grow up in such a culture, they will develop trust in others, says Sankar. So, even though being independent is good for children, there are many limitations.
Sankar said: “A child’s cognitive ability to reason may not be the best. A seven-year-old may not be able to judge danger, or the pros and cons of a particular situation. Parents have to guide them, but avoid helicopter parenting. Don’t monitor every activity closely, give them some space. Have open communication and be non-judgmental.”
So, while a seven-year-old waits for the next train to arrive, it seems like the vote on whether the same would be acceptable to parents in the UAE remains divided. Would you let your child walk to school on his or her own? Tell us what you think at readers@gulfnews.com.
