Dubai: Imagine this: You are at the mall and your child starts throwing a tantrum. What do you do?
Louise Lambert, an assisant professor of psychology at UAE University, is of the opinion that many people give in to their children’s demands just because it is easier to do so. To avoid embarrassment, parents will buy whatever it is that their child is asking for and end the screaming.
She said: “Despite this, I think delayed gratification is a better approach and more parents should do it. Communities need to support parents more, too. We know children can have more self control.”
She refers to The Marshmallow Test, conducted by a Stanford University professor in the 1960s, and states that it continues to be true.
She said: “Children are able to delay gratification. They can wait for something better. Self-control gets better the more we practice it. Also, the more you delay something, the more joy you get.”
She goes on to give a very simple example. Think of your favourite thing to eat or drink. For example, if it was a cup of coffee and if you had six of them in a day, you may enjoy the first three, but by the fourth, you won’t.
Lambert said: “If you had one a week, it would feel so good! It’s a great strategy. If children got everything they asked for, they think they can manipulate everyone, because it worked with their parents. They grow up to be self-centred, have fewer friends and in the long run, they are self-entitled people who tend not to do well in the workplace.”
When a person feels self-entitled, he or she wouldn’t stop to listen to other people, states Lambert. This applies to both children and adults.
Dr Deepa Sankar, a clinical psychologist based in Dubai, states that an appropriate environment, which facilitates delayed gratification and provides the opportunity to develop these skills, is very important.
She said: “Parents contribute significantly for development of delaying gratification in children by helping postpone their needs over time, setting rules and boundaries, being consistent, managing disappointments, and demonstrating self-regulation. Practice is important for the acquisition of these skills.”
So, parents should practice what they preach. If they are out shopping every other day, their children will remember. Also, giving children fewer toys could improve their ability to pay attention.
She said: “Research shows that the ability to withstand distraction emerges during the transition from toddlerhood to preschool years. Later in life, one might be able to develop the skill, but it would take more effort and repetition.”
With fewer toys, children will reach out for other things. They will fill their time and spend time “observing and experiencing”, states Dr Sankar. In this situation, they will then turn to creative play, which will enhance their cognitive development.
In conclusion, when we have too much of one thing, we enjoy it less. A person stops feeling happy or content with the choices available, despite having multiple options. But, with fewer choices, the level of happiness is much higher.
