What do John F Kennedy, Ol Man River, Giovanni Canaletto and Sir Isaac Newton have in common?

The first is the name of an iconic American President, the second a song from the 1927 musical Show Boat, the fourth a 16th century Italian painter of landscapes and the last named and perhaps most famous of the quintet, a man who is regarded as the foremost scientist of all time.

Do they belong together? Unfortunately they do, as they are the names of horses who figure prominently in the 2015 Epsom Derby market.

It strikes me as really odd to name a horse John F Kennedy or Sir Isaac Newton. Did these two illustrious gentlemen ever imagine that one day their legacy would continue on the racecourse in Europe and perhaps around the world.

I know that there are a lot of horses out there who need names each season, with increasingly lesser options to borrow from bloodlines.

American Hall of Fame owners Ken and Sarah Ramsey took the easy route by juxtaposing an assortment of names for off springs to their star stallion Kitten’s Joy. As a result we saw horses called Luck of the Kitten, Home Run Kitten, Streaming Kitten and Crown The Kitten coming out of the prolific and premier thoroughbred Ramsey Farm in Kentucky.

In stark contrast, owners Mrs John Magnier and Michael Tabor chose to christen the son of the great Galileo (by Rumplestiltskin) John F Kennedy. Only they know why. It’s a nice aristocratic name which may even add a touch of drama when Channel 4 racecaller Simon Holt hollers ‘and it’s John F Kennedy who has taken up the running in this the 238th running of the Epsom Derby, with Ol Man River Giovanni Canaletto and Sir Isaac Newton in hot pursuit…’

Would’nt that sound a bit better with horses named Track Lightning, Fast Forward, Hot On You Tail or I’ll Gonna Get You?

I can’t figure out how some horses are given bizzare names like Military Attack, Parish Hall, Golden Harvest or Archangel Raphael… it beats me.

I know of many parents who go through hell selecting a name for their upcoming newborn. I’ve been told that it’s extremely important to avoid names that could land up with your son or daughter being given a catastrophic nickname.

Which reminds me, why don’t horses have nicknames too. JF will do nicely instead of the fullblown John F Kennedy, or perhaps just Ol Man or even a plain Sir.

But then again I’ve never owned a horse, so what would I know about animal monikers. But I’ve had a lot of dogs as pets since I was a kid and they had pretty names – Buttons was the name we gave our beloved Dalmatian, while a Dachshund was called Ruffian.

But my favourite dog name ever was Melody, a gorgeous Lhasa Apso with the most lyrical bark you could ever imagine!

Now that’s what I call the good science of naming dogs and horses.