Over the last few weeks, I have been reading so many articles in the local newspapers in the Indian city of Hyderabad about students attempting suicide (sometimes succeeding in their mission), or running away from home due to the unbearable pressure of performing well in exams in a country where academic excellence is held in high regard.
The last few months have been results time for school leavers as well as for those who have sat for entrance exams to gain admission to medical or engineering colleges. The cut-off marks for eligibility are ridiculously high. Stories abound of students trying to take their own lives as they feel the enormous pressure of not just avoiding failure, but doing well. In contrast, there are others who have come on top and are photographed with beaming parents. There are also touching success stories of teenagers from humble backgrounds overcoming all odds and passing with flying colours.
As I go through these, I feel a sense of sadness at the mismatch between expectation and performance. Institutions offering tutorials to children in various subjects and college hopefuls have mushroomed everywhere. They run classes early in the morning as well as after school hours and the student’s day is one big rush, commuting from home to school and then tutorial classes.
In light of this, it is heartening to read of a formalised programme at Smith College in the United States on accepting failure: North Carolina’s failure fund, Princeton’s Perspective Project and Harvard’s Success-Failure Project. I do realise that getting into these prestigious institutions is not easy. But it is good to know that the importance of accepting failure and learning from it and moving on is being recognised.
Permission slip to fail
When students enrol in the programme at Smith, they receive a certificate of failure upon entry, a kind of permission slip to fail. A number of students proudly display it on their dormitory walls. It isn’t going to make anyone strive to fail, but is a reminder not to push oneself too hard or stress out if you don’t perform as well as you would like to. A leadership development specialist at the same institution says that what they teach is that failure is a part of life and should not be locked out of the learning process. So many bright students who do get accepted into Ivy League institutions will suffer from doubt and question whether they really are good enough. For them, failure is an unfamiliar experience and it can be traumatising. Therefore, failure needs to be destigmatised to allow people to persevere despite setbacks. They should be made to see that they can learn valuable lessons from such hitches and find a way forward.
I know this is easier said than done for children who bow under the weight of expectation from parents or teachers or even peers. Growing up, my siblings and I were well aware of the importance of studies. We knew it mattered to our parents that we shine in academics, not because they wanted bragging rights, but solely because they knew that education was key to making the most of opportunities that life had to offer.
I remember feeling miserable once in school when I didn’t come in the top three ranks in class. All I could think of was my parents’ reaction. My class teacher tried to console me by giving me a good conduct prize to make up for my bitter disappointment. I was appalled at the sop and told her that the prize wouldn’t cut any ice with my parents.
Although this is my experience so many decades ago, it is sad that some things never change, with children still petrified by the thought of not meeting with success. Maybe the lesson on failure being a part of the learning process and of life itself should begin at home.
Vanaja Rao is a freelance writer based in Hyderabad, India.
