I read with surprise a news article about a mother suing her son for support and winning a $1 million (Dh3.67 million) “upbringing fee”. The case made its way all the way to the highest court in Taiwan.
Apparently the woman had financed her son’s dental training and, years later, he found he had no reason to smile. The duo had put down in a written contract, signed when he was 20, what is often left unsaid. In Taiwan, adults are legally prohibited from abandoning their parents.
Under the agreement signed, the two sons would pay their mother 60 per cent of their net profits until the amount reached just under $1.7 million.
Many parents would be appalled by this development, apart from telling themselves that they must never reside in such a country. The argument that children offer when told that their parents have done so much for them is to say that they never asked to be born. It might be a simplistic answer, but it implies that parents should not be expecting returns on their creation. Most parents start a family under the powerful pull of procreation. There are other reasons too such as pressure from elderly relatives who feel that having children is a natural progression and can make a family complete.
The moral dilemma occurs when expectations are not met or when the guardian feels neglected and taken for granted.
In days of yore, before the advent of globalisation, life was much simpler. Sons and daughters often stayed in the same village, town or city as their parents and, even if marriage or a job took them to another place, it was still comparatively easy to travel home if any emergency arose.
But, today, youngsters have flown the nest and live in countries far away. It is not easy to fly back and forth and neither do parents expect their children to be there for them always. A few are practical enough to realise that they need to look after themselves in their old age and some contemplate moving into a retirement home when they are too old to cope.
Then there are savvy young couples who thrash out all the problems before committing themselves to happily ever after. They decide whether having children is right for them. They might be preoccupied with climbing up the corporate ladder and know that bringing up children is a full-time job.
But such people, young or old, are a minority in a country like India where tradition and conservatism still prevail. So, how does one solve the problem of great expectations and feelings of being short-changed? I don’t think that there are any suitable answers to this conundrum.
There are no guarantees in life and one must simply hope for the best. What a young man promises his parents might not be easy to fulfil because at the time he doesn’t realise that, as time goes on, priorities change when he starts his own family. Relationships can be complex and equations change. The number of people whose welfare is important to him has increased and keeping everyone happy is well nigh impossible.
Coming back to the question of repayment, there are arguments for and against. Perhaps monetary compensation is taking things a little too far, but expecting your children to take care of you when you are unable to do so yourself isn’t selfish. In an ideal situation, this happens naturally. There is no need to ask whether the parents’ needs will be met when they are unable to look after themselves. There is a tacit understanding that doesn’t need to be voiced.
What we must keep in mind is that cases of abandonment abound in today’s world, not just of old people but children too.
Vanaja Rao is a freelance writer based in Hyderabad, India.
