“We have to get you and our son a health cover soon as I do not wish to pay a huge fine,” said my wife.

“Maybe I should send you both back home since that’s what you men do to their families when they cannot afford to keep them here,” she said as an afterthought, with an evil grin.

“Ha-ha,” I said while trying to understand a health insurance form. “In this column about pharmacy/medicine it says that up to Dh 1,600 is PPPY covered with co-payment of 30 per cent. What does that mean, you studied law didn’t you?” I asked my wife.

It was as mysterious as the headlines in Indian newspapers. Every time I go back home it gets more and more puzzling to figure out what’s happening in the country, such as this headline that I read early one morning as I was sipping my first cup of tea: “MPs, MLAs fall in OBC ‘creamy layer’, panel says”

My wife was trying to be evilly funny as she now sponsors me and my son and is responsible for us as our sponsor to get us health insurance cover.

Dubai health authorities have put a deadline for residents to get health insurance by the end of next month and the people responsible for this massive undertaking believe the rest of Dubai’s population that has not been covered (18 per cent or 320,000 people) will have health cover soon.

Over the years most expatriates felt that since their stay here is a transient one, they should not be spending a huge amount of money to get themselves health coverage. Much before the trend of medical tourism started, expats only knew what was wrong with them when they went home on their annual vacations and got a physical done.

Unfortunately, some of the latest diseases which are known as lifestyle diseases or non-communicable diseases have no symptoms and you could be a ticking time bomb of various unpleasant things building up inside.

“I am keeping myself fit, touch wood, and the silly insurance company should be happy,” I said knocking on our wooden table. Like many people of Indian origin, I am very superstitious when talking about health, dying or the most important thing in our lives…money!

“Do not kick your school books,” my mother would say, when I was fed up with the tons of homework to do that my school teacher had given me. “These books give you knowledge,” she would say.

On another day she would admonish me not to kick money around even if I was frustrated with the measly amount of pocket money I got. “Wealth is God given,” she would say, passing the buck.

Guiding force

I grew up confused as to whether it was wealth that was important or was it knowledge and learning that should be the guiding force in my life. Health was on a different plane altogether; you never wished anyone to die or be stricken with the deadliest disease on the planet or else that ill feeling would bounce back to you like bad Karma.

“Don’t get the cheapest health package,” said my wife. “If you get a heart attack, we may have to cart you to the emirate far away from here,” she said. “And now there is a charge if you call an ambulance.”

“You guys are so lazy, do not exercise, eat junk food, that is why the authorities have to be careful. Because once you fall ill, it is a huge expense to the exchequer to foot your medical bills,” I said.

“My lifestyle is fine. It is you that Dubai should be worried about,” said my wife. “Staying up late nights, logging on to Facebook and stalking people or staring mindlessly at the TV screen instead of getting proper sleep.”

Mahmood Saberi is a freelance journalist based in Dubai. You can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/ mahmood_saberi.