Dubai: With the start of the back-to-school season, parents and children are already thinking about the changes they will need to adapt to for the new academic year.
Adjustments to a new routine may seem like a challenge for both the child and the parent, whether it has to do with waking up early with the kids, the additional responsibilities of preparing early breakfast, dropping children to school before work and following up with their school assignments, or with the kids themselves when they begin thinking about meeting new peers and having new teachers.
Change is often synonymous with anxiety, says Christine Kritzas, a counselling psychologist at the Lighthouse Arabia, and in the weeks leading up to the start of a new school year, children may begin to feel anxious the most.
“Children may begin to feel anxious about the unknown,” she said. “Whether it is entering a higher grade with a different teacher, possibly having to acquaint themselves with new faces in their classrooms and entering a new school. Mildly raised anxiety levels in the face of a new challenge can be seen as a normal response.”
She pointed out that anxiety can look different with different children, but it’s advised that parents look out for any significant changes in their children’s usual behaviour that could signal that they may be experiencing raised levels of anxiety from adjusting back to school.
Children’s anxieties
There are different forms of anxieties experienced by children, said Kritzas. These range from being separated from their caregiver (for the very young school goers) to fear experienced in different situations at school.
Some of the most common ones include:
Struggling to adjust to a new environment (e.g. moving to a new city/country/school/home)
Symptoms: feelings of vulnerability, emotional outbursts, sleeping difficulties due to possible changes in routine; irritability; becoming reserved; feeling overwhelmed and/or initially insecure, etc.
What parents can do: try to keep your child’s routine as similar and consistent as possible in the new environment; give your child a sense of control (e.g. allow them to decorate their new room or make choices regarding what clothes to wear, etc.).
Change in the child’s life (i.e. moving to a new city; enrolling into a new school; parental separation that coincides with a new school year; etc.
Symptoms: regressing developmentally; more dependent on primary caregiver; difficulty separating from primary caregiver; clingy behaviour; etc.
What parents can do: try to familiarise your child with his/her new surroundings (e.g. take a tour of the new school before the official start of the school year); show your child pictures of the new school/city that s/he will be moving to and allow them the space to ask questions about the anticipated move.
Separation anxiety: For young children, this form of anxiety can occur when as they experience extreme distress being away from their primary caregiver.
Symptoms: clingy behaviour; fearful of separation; school refusal; resistant to attend play-dates; avoidance of activities that were previously enjoyed by your child; difficulty falling asleep in own room; sleeping with parents in their bed; etc.
What parents can do: develop a “goodbye” ritual (e.g. a special handshake or wave signal or goodbye kiss); avoid stalling or over-reassuring (e.g. always tell your child that you are leaving and that you will return – then go); keep things familiar (e.g. have your child stay at home with someone s/he knows well); be consistent (e.g. try to do the same drop-off with the same ritual at the same time each day – having a routine will assist with building trust between parent and child, as well as encourage more independent behaviour by the child.
Performance anxiety: Commonly called “stage fright”, this is a fear a child experiences when they have to do something in front of a group of people (as is often required in the academic year).
Symptoms: heart palpitations; rapid breathing; trembling hands; nausea; “butterflies in tummy”; dry mouth; feelings of losing control.
What parents can do: empower your child by teaching them simple relaxation techniques (deep-breathing exercises); enrolling them in toast masters/extra-public-speaking classes; practicing positive visualisation the night before the oral/performance (i.e. ask your child to visualise experiencing success on the day).
Test anxiety: An extreme form of anxiety and distress that can occur before, or during, test situations.
Symptoms: blanking out during the test/examination; concentration difficulties; racing thoughts; restless/fidgety behaviour; rapid heartbeat; nausea; sweaty hands; dry mouth; etc.
What parents can do: enrol your child in a study skills course (to learn effective study methods; time management; revision techniques; organizational skills; etc.); ensure that your child is getting adequate sleep and engaging in healthy eating- habits; for additional support schedule an appointment for your child with the school counsellor or psychologist.
Generalised anxiety: Exaggerated anxiety about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry.
Symptoms: overly concerned about family, safety, natural disasters, competence in sports or academics, world events, death, health, etc.; anticipate disaster; restlessness; irritability; sleep disturbances (i.e. difficulty falling or staying asleep) which ultimately interfere with their daily living.
What parents can do: teach your child about anxiety and its purpose – that way you may be able to normalise their experience of it; ask your child to draw a sketch of their body and indicate where their anxiety is located or most-felt (e.g. in the tummy; throat; heart); create space in your day to check-in with your child as to how they are feeling (e.g. put a Feelings Chart on the fridge at home/communal area and allocate a marker to each family member – that way all family members can have a platform to express their feelings on a daily basis).
Social anxiety: An excessive and unreasonable fear in social situations
Symptoms: avoidance of social situations; crying; throwing tantrums; freezing; clinging; reluctant/resistant to attend birthday parties/play-dates; playing along during break-time; devoting an excessive amount of time to computer games; pounding heart; shaking; muscle tension; blushing; etc.
What parents can do: read books to your child about shyness, bullying, making new friends, self-esteem; foster their child’s self-esteem by paying them compliments or acknowledging their efforts when trying something new; parents can share their own experiences of feeling anxious in social situations as a means of normalising the experience for their child – that way your child will feel heard and supported.
Vicarious anxiety: where children may experience anxiety that does not initially belong to them, but is rather a response to their parent’s anxiety.
Symptoms: feeling insecure; difficulty separating from parent/caregiver; clingy behaviour; exhaustion; feeling responsible for parent’s anxiety
What parents can do: learn to manage your own anxiety by reading self-help books or receiving support from a professional; model effective coping strategies to your child (e.g. going for long walks together, engaging in regular exercise as a family; introducing healthy eating-patterns within the home environment; practicing self-care); educate yourself in becoming more mindful and present in your parenting.
Parental anxiety
Parents can find themselves feeling anxious at various stages through their child’s school career, she said. They are also often unaware that the things that are making them anxious about their children going to school can inadvertently impose their anxiety onto them.
“Parents can be vulnerable to experiencing anxiety, and the age of the child is not necessarily a predicator of it, it is rather the individual’s level of coping, their capacity for change and their support system, which are all variables to consider.”
Coping mechanisms
Parents are advised to watch out for behaviours manifesting in their children and look at how frequent and severe they are.
“Some include school refusal, social withdrawal, clingy behaviour, fearful of being alone even when the parent is in the same environment as the child, sleeping difficulties, emotional outburst, becoming quieter than normal or bottling up of emotions.”
Christine explained that there is is no one-size-fits-all solution to managing a child’s anxiety, however, It is important that parents be aware that there are several ways to go about containing their children’s anxieties as they approach the new school year, If the child is showing signs of anxiety.
“Parents can arrange a playdate for the child with his/her peers in the week leading up to school so as reconnect them with their peers, in cases where they have been away for the summer holidays. They can Involve their child in preparation around the new school year by taking them along when buying their new uniforms; or choosing a schoolbag so as to orientate them in this regard.”
Also parents, she said, can create a platform for their child to speak. They can set time aside, when both the parent and the child are feeling relaxed, after bath-time or before bedtime, and check-in how the child is feeling about starting at, or returning to, school.
“Acknowledge your child’s fears or anxieties about school. Don’t minimise your child’s fears. A simple acknowledgement of your child’s worries can go a long way, like telling them ‘I know that you are worried about starting school tomorrow, but I will stay with you, until your friend arrives or the teacher comes.’”
It was also recommended for parents to keep their routine at home stable and predictable for the child, which will help create a secure base from which the child can face new challenges.
