A young reader asks: I am having few problems with my friends. I cannot learn or do any work, I can only think about my friends.
Last year, I had two best friends and we never fought. Then, I found another friend and I wanted her to be my best friend, but she didn’t accept that and then she went and made friends with my other friend.
Everyone was jealous of our friendship and almost a year we never fought (I study in a girls’ school). This year we fought a lot and now I am not talking to them.
So I said to myself: “Leave them, you can find better friends”.
The friend I found this year always ignores me and talks with my other friends and if I try walking beside them, she acts like no one is there. I really feel bad and cry. So now I am really disturbed in my mind.
Shall I go back to my old friends or make friends with this girl who ignores me? This girl who ignores me is actually a nice girl and I really want her as my friend but, she doesn’t accept my friendship requests.
Next week we are going on a field trip and I am wondering what to do. I will be alone without any friends.
I am really sad and depressed. Someone in my mind says: “Don’t go back to your old friends”. But when I see other girls I feel that I should go and talk to them.
I am a young student. I am 11+, whoever is reading this please help. Thank you!
Dr Saliha Afridi, Clinical Psychologist, Director, The LightHouse Arabia, Dubai, replies: Friendships are a very important part of adolescence. Tweens (9-11 years old) and teenagers (12-18) typically loosen their ties with their families and try to attach to a peer group - so your concerns about friendship are very normal.
It seems like you are trying to figure out who to be friends with and how can you maintain those friendships.
When choosing friends: I urge you to not just go back to the 'old friends' because it’s a safe choice, but really think about who is worth your friendship. If people are being unkind to you, then it’s better for you that you don’t put yourself in those emotionally draining situations.
Ask yourself
- 1. Do you have things in common with that person?
- 2. Is this person a nice and kind person? Do you have the same values?
- 3. When you are having a difficult time, will this person be there for you?
When being a friend: I also want you to think about how you can be a better friend to your peers.
- 1. Are you a good listener?
- 2. Do you go out of your way to do selfless acts of caring for another person?
- 3. Would you be your friend if you were someone else? Why?
You should also consider joining groups outside of school... horseback riding, dancing, painting, girl scouts, are just some of the ways you can be in a group of likeminded people.
Disclaimer: This blog is a conversation and is not an alternative for treatment. The recommendations and suggestions offered by our panel of psychiatrists are their own and Gulf News will not take any responsibility for the advice they provide.
