I remember having a job interview a few years ago and the interviewer asked me how I dealt with cultural differences at work. I had worked in Dubai for nearly three years and never had any cultural problems, despite working with people from all over the world, so I said that I didn’t think it would be a problem because people are people, wherever you came from — you can always work through differences.
He told me I was naïve.
While I don’t think I would answer too differently today, I understand that cultural differences can be huge sometimes. For instance, my moodiness (usually with technology) sometimes surprises people in Bangkok whereas in the United Kingdom it was kind of normal to smack a monitor that wasn’t working and shout at it for being an idiot. Here, however, people don’t react in the same quick-to-stress way as me and they often don’t know how to deal with it. Other than that, I really don’t have any problems.
The only time I really can find the cultural differences a little overwhelming is with my boyfriend and his family. For instance, there is an awful lot of baby talk all the time. I have been in this relationship for almost a year now and yet I always get to hear comments such as “when you’re pregnant you’ll have to eat fish” and “I can’t wait until you’re a mum!” from his family. I am pretty sure I don’t want babies and 100 per cent sure that I don’t want to eat fish (have been a vegetarian for 24 years now).
In fact, the only thing that made me start to think having babies might not be such an awful thing is that, in Thai families, the grandparents tend to really muck in and take care of the children. I was imagining that I could still work full time, go to the gym and meet friends while my boyfriend’s mum took care of the children. I am pretty sure that’s not a good reason to start a family, but I was trying to get my head around the idea in baby steps and the first step was to imagine that I could just palm them off on someone else when they got annoying.
Anyway, that little seed of a plan has been ruined. I got back from holiday with my boyfriend this week to find that my boyfriend’s mum, who we gave the small task of looking after our Chihuahua puppy, had given him to someone else for “a couple of weeks” on the very night we got home. Who does that?
Instead of returning home to the boy I have missed so much this week, I get home to find he has been lent out like a library book and he’s on holiday in Pattaya. I don’t even have words for how angry I am.
If I can’t even trust her to look after a puppy — whose requirements are food, water, very short walks, shelter, cuddles and to not be given away to strangers — how could I trust her with a child?
Aside from trying to fathom what was going on in her head, I am also very annoyed that all the effort we had made to get him settled in our home and create a routine and a safe, loving home (he was very unsettled from lots of moves before we took him on) are probably ruined. I have never felt such responsibility over anything before and she’s made me feel like I’ve failed him.
But, this is Thailand. I have been told by several people that though I am mad at her for giving my furry baby to someone else when I asked her to look after him, I have to be sweet and pleasant with her. This is the way it works, apparently. I am told he will be returned to me on Tuesday and, until then, I must not discuss the stupidity of her actions, nor criticise or show anger. This is when I struggle with the cultural differences. I just can’t fathom how this is OK.
I often wonder how much of yourself you have to compromise or give up when you adjust to another culture. Some things were easy and actually quite nice to adapt to — letting more things slide and smiling more, for example. But, for me, this feels like a push too far.