Friend – a word that can break your heart and simultaneously fill it with joy. Whether you are two or twenty, friends and friendships are important for you to stay healthy and happy. It is literally what the doctor prescribes to live a good life.
As soon as a baby grows into a toddler and begins to discover that besides his mother or father there are other little beings he can interact with and who are very similar to him he begins to stretch beyond his safety net. Some interactions are fun when he can play together but some are confusing when his favourite toy gets snatched leaving him hurt and tearful. But he always has the safety and comfort of his parents to go back to.
As the toddler grows into a child the scenario of toy snatching quickly becomes slightly more complex. Groups begin to form and many children are victims of the phenomenon of ‘being left out’. These kids try very hard to fit in and be a part of a group as that helps them in creating their own identity. At the end of the day if they still have their parents and safety net these kids continue to remain secure and find other friends.
It is when this young child grows into a teenager that things begin to go a bit out of hand. Due to the impulsive and action oriented part of the brain developing at a faster pace than the logical and rational side teens can come across harsher causing tears in the safety net. Friends and friendships take precedence over what mum and dad say. There is a rebellious edge to their interactions at home as they begin to identify more with their friends than parents.
I have a lot of parents who ask me whether their being a friend to their child will help strengthen their bond. My answer is your child will find friends – but you are his only parents and the safety net of creating healthy boundaries, trust and love is what your primary role is. So your best bet is being his parents.
What you need to know is your child will develop social, emotional and resilience skills from the joys and lows that friendships will bring. He will develop compassion and empathy when he shares in the pain of a friend.
He will learn who are the kind of friends he wants to be close to and who are the ones he would rather not associate with. He will learn the art of seeing another’s perspective of the world, broadening his own thinking. He will mature as an individual through these friendships learning more about himself in the process.
However, social skills do not come easily and smoothly to all children and many suffer from anxiety related to interacting with others especially when compounded with a change in country/school/university. I have coached many teenagers who have struggled when they have changed schools in the same or new country and those that have joined university in a new country and found it difficult to adjust. These teens have also suffered from low self-confidence, self doubt and lack of requisite skills for social interactions and basic conversations.
Social skills are imperative to an individual’s growth and to succeed in society as many of the same skills are required when working in groups in school, college and eventually professional life.
As long as parents continue to provide the safety net and children feel they can come back to it at any point, they will be able to expand their friend circle knowing that whichever way it goes they have a secure family to fall back on. Children from secure backgrounds are more easy going and form happy friendships as they have already learnt the value and joy of relationships and know how to trust and care for others. Family is the starting point of children forming healthy and happy friendships.
Like they say “it takes a village to raise a child”.
Sunaina Vohra is a certified Youth and Family Life Coach at Athena Life Coaching in Dubai. For more information log on to www.athenalifecoaching.com or call (+971) 56-1399033.
