We all carry our own pain. Whether we were hurt by other people, or we hurt them—trust is broken, hearts are hurt and it can leave a destructive trail of bitterness, anger, betrayal, resentment. And while it is normal to feel pain, when you allow it to linger and fester, it becomes your own emotional Alcatraz.
To break out of pain, you need to be able to forgive. Only when you learn to let go do you allow yourself to move on and find happiness.
Holding on to pain or anger puts you in an unhappy place, but it is not always easy to recognise this when you become trapped in a negative cycle. You feel so wrapped up in your hurt or anger that it consumes all of your energy and you can find yourself distracted from everything else. It can put a strain on your relationships, affect your ability to work effectively and literally put your life on hold as you keep going over and over all of those negative feelings in your mind.
When pain starts to interfere with your life, the only way to move forward is to heal the hurt.
Why do you need to unload your extra baggage? Letting go not only heals your heart, but it boosts your mental and physical health too. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships while holding on to anger and negative feelings only serve to compound your stress levels, robbing you of your peace of mind and fuelling health disorders like heart disease and depression. When you hold on to emotional pain from the past you are effectively creating a no-win situation. The reality is you are often only tormenting yourself and the other person involved has either moved on or doesn’t care as much as you do. Sometimes you just have to face up to this to be free.
When you forgive, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are erasing what happened. It just means you are letting go of the negative emotions that have taken hold of you and that you are moving on to a better place.
Forgiveness can change your life. It is not always an easy thing to do, but you can learn to do it. Here are five steps:
Acknowledge your pain. It is a normal response to feel angry or resentful when someone hurts you. Own up to your feelings and identify why you feel the way you feel. Understand how your pain is affecting you. If you are feeling continually resentful or angry towards yourself or other people, then take that as a sign that you need to change.
Resolve to let go. Obviously getting over something and finding forgiveness is not going to happen overnight, but if you commit to changing how your pain is affecting you, then you have taken a step closer to releasing unwanted hurts and grudges. Time is the best healer so remember to let it work for you.
Don’t be afraid to talk about it. It helps if you can address your feelings and issues with trusted people who can help you get the right perspective on what is happening. If your negative feelings are causing you overwhelming stress, then you may also consider going to a therapist to help you cope and manage your stress.
Know that you have a choice. You can choose to relive the hurt and pain or you can choose to move on. The choice to create a better, happier life is up to you. Commit to doing what you need to do to make yourself feel better. Remember that forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.
Continue your self-healing by focusing on improving your present. Instead of focusing on your negative feelings, channel your energy into achieving positive goals so that you can bring more joy to your present. Open up to the love and kindness around you so that it will be easier for you to find forgiveness.
Remember that forgiveness is the most powerful thing you can do to break the hold of an unhappy past, so you can embrace a happier life in the here and now.
