Can you believe it’s time for school? How did that even happen? The older our children become, the faster time is moving. Who is responsible for this? Let’s get them on the phone.
While I wait for the callback, I’m thinking about how some families have very few (if any) back-to-school issues. The children appear to acclimate quickly to the change in sleep patterns and the demands of the school day, both physically and mentally. They find their rhythms and adapt.
When I ask these parents what they do to make this transition so seamless, they shrug and even look embarrassed. “Not much,” they admit. “He’s always been like this.”
Likewise, I know some amazing parents whose children struggle for weeks (even months) to find their rhythm and comfort levels with school. The parents hold firm boundaries, talk to their children about what to expect, feed them good food and allow extra time in the morning. And despite doing all of the same things that the other parents do, the children have a tough time.
In other words: how well your children adapt to the transition is not necessarily a reflection of what you do as a parent. Some children, like some adults, are simply more sensitive to change.
A clear example is that each of my three children adapts completely differently to transition and school. One is anxious, will vocalise her worries, overplan and stay nervous for the first week, and easily do her homework (without reminders) every evening. One child will care only about connecting to her teacher and keep all her worries bottled up, then have a huge tantrum over something seemingly innocuous. Every night, she needs an adult to guide her to the table and place her homework in front of her. And finally, one child is just fine. She likes her friends, loves her teacher (no matter what) and happily bumps along.
Three children. One family. My spouse and I bring our set of skills to the table, and if logic would follow, each of the children would behave the same way.
But no.
So stop blaming yourselves for every bump in the road, parents. Some children simply need a little more care. With this idea in mind, I am going to give you some ideas for how to help move the summer-to-school transition along more smoothly. Please use these suggestions gently and with ease. Forcing, anger and roughness don’t work with humans, especially children. And if your child doesn’t need a strategy, don’t use it. It could actually bring about a problem that wasn’t there to begin with.
So along with making sure that everyone is sleeping, that meals are as organised as they can be and that your children — and you — start to limit technology so brains can grow and homework can get done, here are some other strategies to get things rolling this time of year.
And finally, all strategies must be applied to you, the parent, first.
1 Allow your child (and you) to be crabby. For many children, summer is so much fun and they are very unhappy to let the fun go. They want to meet their teacher and see their friends, but they miss the summer lifestyle. Who hasn’t felt this way? As caregivers, go ahead and allow all of these feelings. Resist the urge to cheerlead and try to persuade the child to feel “happy” or “hopeful”. Just listen, hug and nod along with the complaints.
2 Allow all routines and rules to feel flexible and easy. A routine is good when it is clear and consistent but also flexible enough to withstand change. And while it may sometimes feel as though you are going into battle, you aren’t. It’s school. And almost nothing (not a routine, not schoolwork, not getting dressed, not taking away technology) is worth destroying your relationship with your child. See past the tantrums and find your soft heart for your child. Have empathy and ask yourself, “How would I like someone to treat the 5-year-old me at this moment?”
3 Don’t be afraid to contact teachers and administrators before school begins. Teachers love a heads-up about children and welcome any tips you have about building a strong connection. In fact, one of my favourite tools is a simple list: I ask the teacher to name his favourite food, favourite vacation spot, favourite colour, animal. I share this list with my child, and we can begin to see how much the child and the teacher have in common, or revel in the interesting differences. This simple connection tool can go a long way towards helping a nervous child feel a little more comfortable with a new face.
4 Finally, parents: be sure to get your house in order, both physically and mentally. A little night-before list: have the lunches packed, have the breakfast table set and ready, have your own clothes ready to wear for the morning and, as always, have the coffeemaker ready. The 10 minutes spent at night can give enough time to greet your children tenderly in the morning, rather than with commands and demands barked in frustration.
Have faith, keep going and remember: soft heart, strong boundaries.
— Washington Post
