I have a really good friend who is outgoing, fun, intelligent and sexy. She’s also been single for a really long time which, I know, can be frustrating. I’ve also done a lot of long stints being single and I admit that, when I was still with my ex, I was terrified of things not working out and me being single again.
I think I was so terrified of my life crashing down around my ears again like it did during my last break up that I overlooked a lot of things that I shouldn’t have — such as the fact we had nothing in common and wanted entirely different things in life.
Anyway, when it happened, I assumed the brace position and ... nothing. The impact never really came. It was more like a bump in the road. I’m enjoying single life so much that, at this point, I can’t imagine settling for anyone who’s not a really serious candidate for long-term prospects.
I thought my ex was when we first got together, but I stayed with him for too long after I knew he wasn’t.
Anyway, my friend is at that point, which I have been at before, when she really, really wants to be with someone. I find it so frustrating to see. I’ve done it before; you start to wonder if that friend you’ve never had any romantic feelings for could be The One, you read flirtation into the smallest of interactions with anyone and you get disproportionately upset when you go on dates and they don’t call back — even if you weren’t that keen.
I think it’s because we’re told so often that we WILL have a happily ever after with someone. Whenever I tell people that I genuinely don’t think I’ll marry while I’m young (thank goodness my maternal instinct is nowhere to be found), people always say to me “haha, don’t be silly — you’ll find him when you least expect it”. Thinking this way is, I believe, the biggest problem in modern relationships. We think we’re owed a life partner. We think it’s our fairy-tale ending and it’s just a matter of finding him.
It sounds harsh, although ultimately I think it’s really helpful; I think people should get used to the fact you might end up alone. There are no guarantees and, I’m not going to let the possibility that I could be single for a very long time, stop me from being happy now.
Those words “end up alone” have so much negativity around them but, why does it have to be a death sentence? It’s not a curse to be single. I know a lot of really bad relationships and marriages; meeting someone isn’t necessarily your pass to a happy fulfilled life.
My friend gets so upset when I say it, but what if you could create your own happiness? What if you didn’t have to wait for someone out there to find you and complete you? If I’m going to be alone which, who knows, I might be for a long time/forever, then I’d rather learn to be happy this way than to spend my time sadly searching for someone who might not even exist. Surely it’s possible to meet people in a more neutral way than to assess them every time as potential life mates?
Life throws us curve balls and, although I can’t imagine what it must be like to be single and have your biological alarm clock reminding you it’s time to get moving, I firmly believe it doesn’t help to mope about it or to feel that desperate urgency to find someone.
If you’re desperately looking for something, well... I mean, do you want to find something out of desperation? I want to tell my friend to forget the fairy tale. She’s already everything she needs. She is her own knight in shining armour. Anything else is just a bonus.
