It’s always a shame when actors at the top of their game come together to create something altogether lackluster and this is exactly the case with Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson’s action screwball comedy, The Hitman’s Bodyguard (or as I like to call it, Deadpool and Nick Fury’s Day Off.
And while director Patrick Hughes (The Expendables 3) is all about the big send-up of high-octane vehicular chases and a slasher-style carnage that doesn’t know when to quit, he seems to have missed the bus on facilitating his lead actors’ collective chemistry. Or making sure his screenwriters are up to the job.
The premise of The Hitman’s Bodyguard is neither original nor altogether exciting: Darius Kincaid, a dangerous and reckless hitman played by Jackson, needs to be transported from London to the Hague to testify against overthrown Belarusian dictator Vladislav Dukhovich (Gary Oldman refreshing his East accent not very convincingly), by his cautious bodyguard Michael Bryce (Reynolds).
It of course comes to no one’s surprise that the two have crossed paths before and are mortal enemies, and thus, must learn to co-operate in order to survive their madcap road trip through Europe.
What follows are a list of movie cardinal sins that range from the extremely insensitive to the worst kind of boring: Yawn-inducing car chases, buddy jokes that must have been written by sugar-high 13-year-old boys, an uncomfortably high body count that’s meant to make you laugh but instead induces a headache and most bizarrely, love advice (from Jackson to Reynolds) in the midst of above-mentioned car chases. Not to mention that this failed-attempt at filmmaking runs for more than two hours, making the most patient of moviegoers fidget uncontrollably in their seats.
The movie does have its moments, however. For instance, Jackson’s songathon with a bunch of Italian nuns in a crammed van as Reynolds’ looks on disgruntled is a moment that comes along only once in a lifetime. Another musical scene sees Jackson belting out a bluesy number while Reynolds tried to drown him out with his own screechy version of Ace of Base’s I Saw the Sign.
Supporting actors Elodie Yung (the French hottie and main badass in The Defenders) and Salma Hayek, who play Reynolds’ Interpol love interest and Jackson’s wife serving jail time respectively, do a fine job in their limited screen time — especially the former, who deserved more action scenes, seeing she’s a trained martial artist.
Hayek displays her veteran acting chops as the Latina mob wife from hell as she hurls abuses at her prison guards who quake in their boots every time she opens her mouth. However, a running joke that sees Hayek torment her overweight co-inmate is as distasteful as it was unnecessary.
What should have been a late summer treat is soured by extremely lazy writing and a forgettable plot. But for those who enjoy their profanity in excess and their action mind-numbingly relentless, The Hitman’s Bodyguard is worth a watch.
Check it out
Film: The Hitman’s Bodyguard
Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L Jackson, Gary Oldman, Salma Hayek and Elodie Yung
Director: Patrick Hughes
Run time: 120 minutes
Stars: 2 out of 5
