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Nicole Kidman says having four films at the Cannes Film Festival this year was an unexpected confluence, but it was the result of her intention to “stay bold and open” to challenging material.

Two of Kidman’s movies at Cannes have debuted, including Yorgos Lanthimos’s brutally dark comedy The Killing of a Sacred Deer. As per Lanthimos’ previous films (The Lobster, Dogtooth), the reaction in Cannes was sharply divided on the film, which looks at how a past error haunts the family of a surgeon (Colin Farrell).

Kidman says The Killing of a Sacred Deer and her other Cannes entries reflect her continuing “rebel spirit.”

The actress said her passion for acting remained strong and that she’s “at a place in my life where I’m trying to pretend I’m still 21 and starting my career.”