“The purpose of the book is not to shine light on the issue of polygamy but on my personal experience of being married to two women.” That said, to read Hussain Ali Lootah’s novel, “Between Two Wives”, is to delve into an aspect of society that’s hiding in plain sight. Lootah, one of the UAE’s foremost lawyers, thoughtfully, and with great dignity, tackles the issue through the travails of his protagonist, Yousuf. The writer’s candour is breathtaking. With often painful descriptions, Lootah explores the challenges facing men married to more than one woman.
Yousuf is born in Kuwait in 1961. After the discovery of oil in Dubai, the family returns home. These are heady days in the emirate, and Yousuf has a comfortable life. However, deep inside, the young man is roiled by his own insecurities, his private fears. The sea, the desert and the darkness scare him; conversing with others is a chore. Unsure of people’s reactions, he keeps himself to himself. Despite this, he does well at school, and enters Al Ain University in 1980 to study law.
In a shock move, in 1984 he announces his intention to get married while still a student. Aliya brings a new focus to Yousuf’s life, and it is here that we first come across the sense of responsibility that will continue to govern his outlook in the future. He does his best to make her life comfortable.
However, Yousuf’s life takes a dramatic turn during a visit to Brazil in 1986. His path crosses that of Maria, who is visiting from Ecuador. It occurs to him that he just cannot live without her. The feeling is mutual and Maria, who is unaware of his existing marriage to Aliya, agrees to marry him. She bids adieu to her open-minded family in Ecuador, and travels halfway across the world to join Yousuf in Dubai.
Lootah admits that Yousuf’s life as described in the novel is, indeed, his own. In an interview with Weekend Review, he said: “All of the factual scenarios and events in the novel are true. The facts are not a comprehensive account of my life. I have only described the parts of my life I believed the reader would find interesting, and those are reflected through the description of Yousuf.”
It is only when Maria lands in Dubai and Yousuf sets her up in a flat that the enormity of the situation, and its ramifications, dawn on him. She leads a secluded life in her adopted home, with her husband inexplicably out of sight most days of the week. The only sounds that brighten her days are the telephone ringing when Yousuf calls, and the doorbell when he is at her door. An inherently honest and thoughtful soul, Yousuf is torn by guilt and reveals to Maria the secret he has kept from her. She feels her head spin and the world around her unravel. She is torn between the competing urges to leave him, and to stay.
The pressure piles on, and Yousuf is forced to confront the consequences of his acts of commission and omission. In the end, Maria decides to stay, but only after Yousuf has revealed the details he had earlier hidden from her. She tries to adapt to the new realities, and finds a job. She even converts to Islam, and adopts its tenets. And begins to observe the cultural mores of the Gulf society.
In keeping with his tepid determination to come clean, Yousuf takes the next, equally difficult step: confessing to Aliya. When she hears from her husband that he has married for a second time, Aliya can see her beautiful life collapsing before her eyes. “She hurled at him the worst of words she could think of, words he never imagined he would hear from her. She asked him to get out, to run fast, for her fire could burn him down to ashes.”
Throughout Lootah’s novel the protagonist’s sincerity, and eagerness to right the “wrongs” — in this case, to ensure equal love for, and equal treatment to, both his wives — comes across strongly. Yousuf is a sensitive character who is alive to his responsibilities and to the consequences of his actions. He doesn’t necessarily think that polygamy is wrong; he is just trying his best to tackle the situation he finds himself in as a result of the choices he has made.
As Lootah told Weekend Review, “This [novel] is definitely not a statement against polygamy. I am obviously not a person who is against it. Culturally, and Islamically, this is a widely accepted practice. This statement needs to be read in context. I am a person who feels very responsible about my actions and the decisions I make.
“The choice to marry two wives is something I feel very responsible for, and I have to treat both equally as I believe that I will be held accountable for the rights afforded to both women, for whom I have the utmost respect.”
In the novel, Yousuf is approached by relatives who, following his example, want to take second wives. But, unlike Yousuf, they are doing so for reasons of lust and desire. This rattles the idealistic young man who, at the risk of sounding hypocritical, advises them against it. Lootah explained: “The conversation I have in the book is with a person I knew well, and who I knew had a different agenda and intention for marrying two women. In my view, if a second marriage is for a short-term relationship with someone you desire but not as a long-term relationship as a wife, the union between these people is not worth it. Polygamy does come at a price, the price of treating two people equally with respect, love, attention, care, financial and emotional support. This responsibility weighed heavily on me as I wanted to do the right thing, and for this reason, I believe it is not worth it if you don’t intend to fulfil your obligations properly.”
Despite the subject matter, Lootah’s book is easy to read; the writing is direct (at times, even abrupt). He doesn’t linger or beat around the bush. It is also interspersed with encounters with jinns, and other interesting anecdotes. There’s good description of life in the Trucial States of the 1960s, though the reader is left wanting for more. Lootah had this to say in his defence: “I covered the history of the UAE to the extent that I believed it gives context, sets a time and place for the characters. After all, these are also the places I grew up in and where my experiences occurred. I also did not want to delve too much into the history of the UAE as this was not the purpose of the story. The story is about my life from a subjective and personal perspective. If I were to write about history, it would need to be based on facts and be an accurate recount. I don’t think I could have done justice.”
Would it be fair to assume that through his book, Lootah is trying to warn people against polygamy but also trying to explain it, and make them more considerate when judging others who have more than one wife? “My intention was only to describe and share with others my experience of polygamy. I don’t want to pass judgment about polygamy itself or other people who practice it. But for me the responsibility was huge and I felt it. It does not come without responsibility, and one will be held accountable by his wives, and ultimately by the Divine, for this choice. So I believe people need to think about the decision and not make it hastily. They should also be clear about their intention and the reason they want to practise polygamy, not simply because it is a common practice. Ultimately, my story is about me and the learnings I gained from this experience. It is a journey of self-discovery. I learnt so much about myself and my wives and my family through the process.
“I have always been asked questions by family and friends about my life and my experience. I felt that I could share this in my book and tell my story. The story is mine and I only hold myself accountable to the experience I have had. Others have told different stories and may continue to experience polygamy from a different worldview. I don’t believe I am in a position to judge others or provide an analysis on the jurisprudence of polygamy. This is simply an account of my life as an Emirati male having two wives, which is common in the Gulf region and accepted in the Islamic faith.
“My life, my trials and my tests have allowed me to grow in ways I could not have imagined and I am finally at peace with who I am and what I want out of life.”
Omar Shariff is a freelance writer based in Abu Dhabi.
“Between Two Wives” is published by Motivate Publishing and is available in all major bookstores and www.booksarabia.com
