Abu Dhabi: A typical marriage starts happily. The couple are in love as they are thrilled to have found a partner in life. Unfortunately, many couples also experience the negative side of a marriage. Arguments replace tender moments, and fights become routine. After a while, living together becomes unbearable and couples decide to go their separate ways.
Divorce rate has risen among expatriates living in the capital, a senior official at the UAE Marriage Fund (MF) told Gulf News. Up to 32 per cent of Emirati's are affected by it within the first five years of their marriage.
"Up to 13.5 per cent of divorces among Emirati's are due to early marriages [15 to 19 years old]. The common reasons for the rising divorce numbers are financial, social and communications issues," said the MF official.
The current generation has become more independent and self reliant, explained the marriage expert. "Women's achievements in education and business have helped create a "can do" attitude. Men need their wives' financial contribution, yet expect a traditional wife."
The MF official suggested counselling prior to, during and post marriage. "Seeking professional help can save many families from a painful experience."
Dr Dolly Habbal, a clinical psychologist at Gulf Diagnostic Centre said the number of divorce clients has increased the past two years by 60 per cent.
"I see at least three cases for marriage counselling daily. Absence of dialogue, incompatibility between the couple, physical abuse, lack or insufficient physical relationship, cheating are factors behind the rise in divorce' rate… Parents must recognise that divorce severely impacts children mentally, physically and emotionally. Therefore, post divorce counselling is very important to deal with its effect on children."
During a lecture on the role of Civic education in security, Lieutenant General Dahi Khalfan Tamim, chief of Dubai Police, called for men to refrain from divorcing their wives and seek solutions to their broken, but probably reparable marriages.
"Today, people do not think of marriage with the same level of importance as it was for their parents. How can our children perceive the value of a family, and show respect to their parents, while the father is easily divorcing his mother. Nothing can ever be valuable to children who come from broken families," he added.
A Lebanese businessman, divorcee, Fadi (names changed) believes that continuous exposure to stressful environments drives people angry easily, and arguments spark any moment, adding pressure to the family.
"Couples don't know how to fight fairly. The notion that they are being criticised gets them highly offended, and results in resentment," he said. "They can no longer accept that a respectful argument can actually be healthy for a relationship," Fadi added.
Salwa, an Egyptian businesswoman agreed, adding that daily treatment, emotional and verbal abuse combined with short temper, have serious impact on women."
Gregory Gottlieb, a British project manager in the aviation sector, feels that people rush into marriage and rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage, and are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards.
"Couples would like quick solutions rather than having to exert effort to resolve issues," he said.
Hala, a Moroccan administrator working in education, blames high divorce rates on cultural differences. "Effective communication between a couple turns into a hard task, conflicts rise and lead to a divorce. Society looks at divorced women in a different way. "I was treated as if I had plague," she said. For Salwa, men approach divorced women labelling them as "easy".
"The minute a man is aware that I am divorced, they take it as an invitation which is very demeaning."
According to Nahla, a Syrian who's into marketing and has been divorced for three years, divorced women are instantly labelled as failures. "Women are automatically blamed for divorce; marriage failure falls on their shoulder."
Do you think conflicting expectations are causing couples to become disappointed early on in marriages? What do you think could be done to reduce the divorce rate?
