With women's options broadening to include highly individualistic aims and ambitions over the past few decades, it is no longer possible to confine the issue of a woman's role to any one aspect of life. Career vs homemaking – the lines of demarcation are clear and the arguments equally convincing...
The Friday talkabout: voices
Jocelyn McBride: She's always worked long hours.As director (marketing) at Le Meridien, she came back to her job four days after the delivery of her child to sort things out before taking her maternity leave. Women are individuals and if one feels that working will make one happier, that's the right choice for her, she says. Having a career is every woman's imperative just as it is a man's, she contends.
Mae Hourani: A graduate in child psychology and a mother with four grown-up sons, she gave up work just before the first one was born. She's a passionate advocate of being a full-time homemaker. You must be constantly available for your children, not just after work hours, she believes. Every moment is precious and you can never replay an emotion once it has passed, she says.
Julie Gatrell. ©Gulf News |
She speaks from a position of strength when she says that it's possible to be a committed career woman and a devoted mother at the same time. It depends on how much you can stretch yourself because we are the ones putting limitations on ourselves, she says.
Dr Sarita Kapoor: An obstetrician and gynaecologist at Al Diyafa Centre and Al Khaleej-Apollo Centre, she has been working without a break since her post-graduation. Every woman owes it to herself to have a career, she says. No doubt the family needs you and you will have to sacrifice leisure time for them, but you cannot negate your own needs for their sake, she says. Your children will be more confident and the financial independence is worth it, she insists.
Melly Koshy: Having qualified as a social worker, she worked for 13 years before becoming a housewife by default after moving to Dubai. And she enjoys it. Quality time is a myth because when you are ready to give the time, your children are never ready. Their needs have been sublimated in other ways and you are the one losing out on fulfillment, she reasons.
Meg Kingsley. ©Gulf News |
She has since thoroughly enjoyed her status as a stay-at-home mother. But a degree of financial independence is important, she recommends, and works out of her home, baking cakes and giving piano lessons.
***
Viewpoint: Housewives take up homemaking as a career because it's the only choice they have, either because of lack of education or because they are not smart enough.
Julie: We are not in the dark ages any more. Most women have a choice. I can't really speak for those who have decided to stay at home, but I guess they have elected to do that. Lack of education need not prevent you from working. Even at 25, you can go back to college. And there are jobs available for every kind of person, so becoming a housewife is really a choice, I guess.
Jocelyn: My aunt had ten children before she took a degree. The new feminist ethic is not about what you should or should not do. It is about making your choice, whether you want to have children or not; whether you want to be a full-time career woman; whether you want to stay at home and have children or postpone having children. It is all about choice.
Mae: No woman is allowed to stay at home and do nothing. Unless you have children and staying back to raise them is excuse enough. But if you have no children or if they are old enough to (fend for themselves), then we all must do something with our time. Look at the 'dancing grandmothers' troupe in the USA. The children and the grandchildren had left home, and one fine 'coffee morning' they looked at each other and said 'we're all keen to dance'. The next thing you know is that they are the hottest number on stage.
Sarita: There is no age limit to getting an education for taking up a career. But in my job, I see more and more women putting off having children till their career takes off. This is not necessary because you can channelise your energy to fulfil both family and career requirements.
Mae Hourani. ©Gulf News |
Melly: The question is do women become housewives because they do not have a choice. My answer is 'no'. I am qualified to take up a job but I have chosen to be a full-time mother.
Jocelyn: If you want to stay intellectually active and make a positive contribution to society, there is really no excuse to stay at home.
Mae: You do not have to work full-time to make a contribution to society. If you choose to stay at home, you are bringing up exemplary citizens for the future. You can also enjoy your leisure time by cultivating a hobby, polishing up your culinary skills or landscaping your garden. You cannot say that only a woman who works at job in an office is a career woman, some of us are career homemakers. Some women do not have their family's approval to go out and work. So, yes it does boil down to not having a choice about being a housewife.
Jocelyn: Reminds me of what I was told when I was pregnant – do not feel guilty about sleeping when you are pregnant because even if you have not done anything you have still had a productive day! The other thing is no one ever questions the men's rights to make choices.
Freedom is all about making choices. If you love music, pursue that; if you love healing people, take up medicine. But the strange thing is that you would never find men justifying their choices. It is a sign of our times that we need to have this discussion at all.
Sarita: The point is you should enjoy what you are doing. If being a housewife makes you happy, then do it, but you cannot say that a woman who enjoys working at a job cannot run a good home or be a good mother.
Jocelyn McBride. ©Gulf News |
