When it comes to cooking together, an otherwise compatible new couple can break down faster than a sauce sabayon. The annals of my own dating history are singed with kitchen mishaps.
During a triple first-date cooking night at my best friend's place, each couple helped produce a meal of chicken pot stickers, spaghetti with meat sauce and Key lime pie. Nobody wanted to take control; we socialised as pasta turned to mush and pots boiled over. What began as a promising soirée, ended early, with six scowls and three inedible courses.
It took years for me to try it again. The Mr Sizzle in my life shares my love of spicy food, but he always multiplies the amount of seasoning. As a result, delicate curries and simple stir-fries leave me gasping for water, bread or anything to alleviate the heat. There are still a few kinks to be worked out.
Food bonds
Conferring with Barbara and Jeff Black, the married co-owners of four Washington area restaurants, helped put my situation into perspective. Now parents of two, they met as students at the Culinary Institute of America in New York. On mutual nights off from their busy restaurants, they have learnt to coexist in their kitchen, which Jeff describes as an aisle lined by appliances.
Secrets of their cooking-together success include "throwing him out" into the backyard every now and then to fire up the grill, Barbara says.
Some of their suggestions sounded like good couples counselling in general: Each partner should have separate responsibilities; compromise, honesty and good taste are required. And Jeff's advice about restraint struck a chord. With overeager chefs working in tandem, it's easy to go overboard and end up with a refrigerator full of leftovers. Few people can nurture romance while clutching an overstuffed belly.
Here are other rules that may keep the spark alive without igniting dangerous flames:
For a special meal at home, do not venture into uncharted territory. "It's nerve-wracking enough to prepare a romantic dinner," Barbara says.
Take the time for a test run and adjust measurements, temperatures and cooking times as needed. After following a magazine recipe for supposedly foolproof Engagement Chicken, Mr Sizzle and I opened the oven to a thoroughly undercooked bird. We opted for takeaway.
Make sure to keep sharp knives on hand, but not for the reason you might think. Eliminate unnecessary surprises during cooking by taking advance inventory of utensils and supplies. Remember what happened when fictional heroine Bridget Jones used blue string instead of kitchen twine: blue soup.
Set up an orderly array of prepared and measured ingredients, called mise en place. It may keep two hands from reaching simultaneously for the only cup measure or cutting board in the kitchen. "It should be like a cooking show, where everything you'll need is all there and ready," Barbara says.
Do not go overboard with the menu. Barbara recommends a special roast which can cook in the oven while you focus on other, more intricate dishes.
For an easy dessert, a sabayon with berries is Barbara's favourite. One person can tend to the berries while the other whisks the custard. Sabayons can curdle if not properly tended to.
Have only one person at the stove, "or it gets ugly", Jeff says. "Have the other person decorate the table, arrange the beverages and make sure the other elements are in place. It is not just the menu: Music, candles and romance make the dinner more special."
Finally, a sink full of dirty dishes is a deal breaker. Even if the cleaning must wait until morning, take responsibility for your mess. The Blacks' rule: "You cook it, you clean it."
