As sharp readers over the years (yes, both of them) might have noticed, this column is not about handing out advice or providing hints to keep steady and sane while driving on the highway of life. Yet occasionally, I succumb to the temptation of showing off some recently acquired knowledge. This is one such moment. It is about recognising when you have reached middle age.
To some, the moment arrives when you buy your first red sportscar. To others it is the acquisition of the world's most ridiculously priced motor bike. A third group reacts by dyeing their hair, which they now wear in a pony tail and speak using single-syllable words in the mistaken assumption that this is how teenagers talk.
In most cases, the first sign is the startling discovery that the generation gap between you and your children remains intact except that it seems to have turned around so it is now you who embarrasses your son in public rather than the other way around. Wasn't it only yesterday when you tried to get your five-year-old to recite Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in mixed company and he chose instead to recite the one about the man from Madras whose body parts were made of glass (I am talking about eyes, what are you thinking)?
Now he introduces you to his friends and the first thing you wonder is if the girls in the group intend to marry the boys in the group and settle down. You think of how times have changed - look at the price of petrol!
Now it's you who has the long hair and it's your son who thinks it is cool to have none at all. You have the straggly, unkempt look while he shaves twice a day to retain that fresh, just-out-of-a-bath look. Not so long ago, it was the other way around. You embarrass him at cricket matches by screaming and whistling when you see a childhood hero, now unrecognisable except for his paunch and lack of hair, walk past. He hides behind a pillar when he hears the phrase, "In my time..." form on your lips.
Your adolescent son wants to be the adult and you want to be the teenager.
You will never get a clearer signal - this is middle age with all the trimmings.
Boys will be boys and so will middle-aged men. This, dear reader, is the insight I want to share with you as we drive on the highway of life. Now there's an expression no youngster will ever use.
